The Hammond NWI Christmas Spirit

The following Christmas ode was written by "The Preacher," a NWI radio personality on WJOB radio.  It is currently published on the NWI Discussion Boards.  In the interest of the season, I thought it should be shared by everyone in the great State of Indiana.  All Hoosiers deserve a good laugh during the holiday season; this is especially true of the citizens of Lake County who on Friday had their State income tax increased by 33%.  This was the present (coal?) given to the citizens by their County Government. 

You can see the Ode here (and just in case, I have it available below).

(For those who do not have a translation available for the "Shakesperian" references in this Ode, one is provided at the end of the Carol.)

'Twas the night of the "Penquin"
By Mr. Crackers

‘Twas the night of “The Penquin” and out on the street
he spreads propaganda on tiny webbed feet.

His tuxedo was hung by his bedside with care,
in hopes that Tom Junior soon would be there.

Team Hammond was nervous, and crawled under their beds,
in fear that Tom Junior would lop off their heads.

And with Marty and Eddy perched on his lap,
Dappy got ready to gift wrap more crap.

As his war chest of cash grew fatter and fatter,
Wes Miller asked questions, but, it didn’t matter.

Then Marko showed up at his victory bash,
and the mayor tossed him out by the hairs on his stash.

So, Chico and Tony jumped into the fray,
but, they were no match for Big Al and Repay.

Then right out of nowhere on the board did appear,
a red-headed “Penquin” with his beak up Tom’s rear.

Then laying his finger aside of his snout,
the mayor gave him a job, exercising his clout.

And I laugh when I saw him separating my trash,
then, he flick his cig butt, and was gone in a flash.

But, I heard him exclaim as they drove down the street,
“Your taxes are paying to shoe my webbed feet!”

"I just can't stopped that monkey from writing once he gets in the holiday spirit!
All the characters feature in the above are figments of Mr. Cracker's imagination and are not real people, as far as I know."

Penquin = Steve Fowler; Tom or Tom Junior = Tom McDermott, Jr. Mayor of Hammond, Indiana; Team Hammond = loyal opposition; Marty = Marty Wiggels, Mayor's Chief of Staff (keeps watch, i.e. control, of the son for the father); Marko = Robert Markovich, Hammond City Councilman (highest vote getter in the City, which  embarassed Baby Mac who opposed his re-election); Chico = Chico Hinajosa = City Councilman (used to think well of Baby Mac); Tony = Anthony Higgs; Big Al = Al Salinas (dumbest City Councilman, a true embarassment, and supporter of Baby Mac); Eddy or Repay = Dan Repay, City Councilman (son of a descent local politician, father forgot to provide son with backbone); Mr. Cracker = The Preacher.

Comments

[The Preacher]

Hey Doc!
Thanks for posting the "ode"!
I hope it brought a smile to the faces of your readers!

[Daltonsbriefs]

I know I'd wading into a lion's den here, but it was time for Lake County to do something. I too feel the worry that they will waste all the money, like they have in the past, but what else can be done? Property taxes just don't work.

As for Hammond, you know a ton more there than me. But, it would appear that both Republicans and Democrats are equally dirty, which is a sad commentary on Lake County.